I have the most kickass job ever.
I just landed the best job any college freshman could hope to have.
I’m making $10 an hour part time, working for a PI here in town. My first day at work, I was advanced some lunch money straight outta boss’s wallet, given a key to the office, and promised a second phone line and new desk.
He pays me weekly in cash, and as of now I work only two days a week for a couple of hours. I can dress however I would like. (Clean and comfortable is the rule in the office.) And I’m pretty much able to make my own schedule because I can come in when I want.
I’m still in shock a bit, so someone please pinch me.

Oh my god, I’m so jealous.
Now you need a khaki trench coat and a Sherlock Holmes hat.